Depression…. was there

I was 190 2016-2017

I gain a lot because i was hiding depression. I was hiding an affair. I was hurting . I was hiding a sexual assault ….

I was fighting cancer and a lot of the stuff I was on meds that made bme blow up. I never saw it . Sometimes I look at it and think why was I even raped when i looked like that. Who would want that .Than I remember it wasn’t about that. It was about jealousy, domination and humiliation. It was me in a middle of a pissing match between someone I loved and a friend .

I wanted to love someone who could never return what I deserved or even wanted to. I just was never enough no matter what. And I think I knew that and I just wanted to be loved like i loved them . But I just wasn’t understood…..

I don’t know why these people hurt me. Or even see what they were doing to me as hurting me inside and out. They just didn’t care .

But I am glad I started to care …

I saved myself

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