Cancer awareness  “you lose people and gain some”

I have been struggling with canacer for three years. At first they couldn’t figure out what the hell I had. Until 3 Specialists later I was given my official diagnosis of what I was fighting. 

During t that time,I had started chemo, I was using cold caps not to lose my hair but clumps would still come out. I was sick and felt like I was losing myself . I lost people and gain new ones. I lost people who just given up on me and my fight.  I got weak and I got strong. I had days where I felt so ugly fat but now in the end, I never felt more beautiful inside than I have ever felt before .

Cancer has so many phases. Denial, shock,anger, frustration, dear and acceptance.  Cancer is with you forever. But not all the people that where there in the beginning… stay.  It is a huge emotional roller coaster for me. I have found people who didn’t get what I was going threw are not my friends, they are selfish who left me alone with it. 

Cancer is an asshole. It makes people turn into Assholes or it can make heros out of people.

My new guy I am with now, believes in god. He prays every night before he goes to bed, (somedays bed time is 1 am, sometimes 3 pm. He’s a marine and works a in a different township as a police officer) for god to heal me and give me more time.  His faith is important Even if I make fun of it. I don’t have a faith. But I always beleives something else is bigger than me out there.  I never gone to church, but I have for him because it important.  He thinks faith will cure me. He so believes it and me

Sometimes we start off somewhere we think we are meant to be, but find ourselves in a complete different direction than we saw ourselves. I saw my self with another man. But that didn’t work out which is okay .

My battle with cancer has taught me so much even when I wanted to give up. It taught me life is important and some battle are worth fighting more over others. I had some of those battles and decided my life battle was so more important. I decided to Burry my past . Or no longer wanted me… so I let it go.

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