Perfectly imperfect

Just my journey of surviving life. I have gone through alot in 37 years of life. I have been heart broken, I am fighting a disease, I am fighting myself, friends and lovers.  I am loving, I am truthful, honest, giving, I am mom, I am an artist and survivor of sexual assault.

I don’t give my love away easily but when I do I love forever. I love with every thing I have. Honesty and truth mean everything to me and when it’s broken it not by me.

I am new in to my healthy living style to combats my disease . I am a now a high mileage runners 10-12 miles a day.  I started in April 22.2017 last year.

I am now 60 pounds less from a year ago..I have changed my health, people and situations. I did all this because of my health and heart break.  A part of me was hurt deeply and I lost a good part of me. Heart break does effect you, just never to me before.

This is is my story….

the truth

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My battered macho, I call home

I can hardly believe how different my body is now after all the abuse it has taken and has been inflicted by. If my body could write a book it would be a series of longer books

It’s survived sexual assault

Its survived giving birth

Its survived being used by men

Its survived even the dumb shit I did to it

Its survived physical abuse

Its survived emotional

Its survived betrayal

Its survived all cancer could throw at it.

Its survived… this skin I live in . I gave it love and attention And healed inside mostly…. still heartbroken …. maybe but I took care of it and made a running machine and maybe something someone would want to take the time and actually love me.

Love all of me

My falls

My imperfections

My imperfect beauty

My smart ass mouth

My attitude

My forgetfulness

My pain I hide behind walls of steel and locked doors

My stubbornness

My weaknesses

Just love what I am ….

Just accept me

Maybe

Fallen angels

Love doesn’t hurt you. A person that doesn’t know how to love hurts you. Don’t get it twisted.

I have courage and faith to trust again even if am still wounded

Cancer scans

Well I am going for my 6 month precautionary scans on my spine and upper neck . I rather wait a year however my doctor 🥼 has other plans. My tumor growth is unpredictable and they want to keep it zero .

Am a little nervous but i feel fine. I have aches and pains in my spine and neck mostly but scaring pains. My hair from neck has grown 5 inches. It bothers me more than anything. Ponytails are awkward My hair pops out .

Here is the story of the broken Angel and her accomplishments!

August 21 2018

My doctor gave me a call and asked me to come in. Well, when I hung up I felt nervous time to go in and face there is more tumors or the other one is not gone.

As I arrived my favorite nurse was at the door waiting for me and we end up to the third floor where my doctors is. I walked in and there he was with a few of my work out buddies and himself with balloons and poppers. I am as of today tumor free, free of any cancer in any part of my body .

I can finally announce I have beaten this part. I am in remission . June 2014 until today August 21 2018 .I am finally free and I finally have a good win for once. I have accomplished so much and been through even more. Things any one fighting cancer should never ever ever deal with. It was a bitter sweet ending . Lots of tears and also an emptiness because a person who should of been here was not. I should stop being surprised now. He never stayed long enough to know this heart of mine or how hard I fight. My heart is a good one and i will never let anyone tell me it’s not.

I am finally done and that is the best news I could ever hear. I will have to go back often to check to make sure no recurrence but officially from my.

I am so grateful for the support and time that’s was spent with me during this very very long journey with ups and down.. a lot more downs than up. I do thank those who have stayed with me and helped me fight.

I do owe a special thanks to you Kris , for being there from the start and I will never allow the bad times over shadow the good ones. You were my biggest supporter and you will always have my heart. I am sorry we didn’t make it to the end. I loved you very much. You were my best friend and helped me on levels I can’t even begin to even say. I never knew what love felt until you. I hope I find someone who makes me as happy as you did for this heart of mine. I wished more than anything for you to of been here but I know you have your own life to live. I hope someday you realize and see the truth. I hope you realize how much of my heart you truly had. I will always love you. I truly thank you for being there for me and i am truly sorry i wasn’t for you. I wish you well on your path, I wish you happiness and hope you find love you deserve .

However my supports grew and became even better friends and work out buddies. These people got me healthy and a running beast . To Matt my trainer you kick my ass every day in KO to make me stronger and a better fighter. Your charm doesn’t surpasses your True love which is your daughter. You move your work but that little girl has your heart. You have been a great friend and you helped my fitness game tremendously.

Michael Stevens, what can I say? You picked me up from the grave and saved me. You bathed me when i couldn’t walk, you carried me up stairs, you held my hair back when i was sick, you didn’t let me hit rock bottom and you gave me the gift of running. Running and you brought parts of me back from the horror show we know is true. You and I know the truth. I know yours as well. You fell in love with a heartbroken , rape victim , fighting cancer? How the hell does one do that. You know I feel…… we don’t need words. You are my friend even though you mess up like the rest of us including me. We are just all beautifully broken people. Your bear hug and tears show me all I need to know buddy.

Thank you followers on WordPress for wishing me well to. Your words of kindness passed to me have been welcoming!

I left below parts of journey with my cancer and my rape. All were part of this roller coaster journey.

I am a survivor …..

-14 was no match for my run

I was short 2 miles but shit it was -14 I didn’t feel it any more after 2 miles i got hot 🥵. My legs are tired because I neglected a day off . But I keep getting invited to fit contest and we’ll… I like winning 😂

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